What a bunch of bankers
You know how they say moving house is the most stressful thing you can do? Well, I pretty much believe it after the events of today. I'll try not to turn this into a rant, and explain the complexities, but I might not do a decent job as I am still utterly, utterly pissed off.
Just to set the scene, I've recently moved to Dublin on a contract. Although it means leaving Stockport, and most importantly, my better half behind, it was an opportunity I just couldn't miss. It is initially until Christmas, but with luck and if I work hard, it will go on much longer than that.
I've spent the last two weeks in a Travelodge, waiting for security clearance, the final hurdle before I can truly get to work. That came through last week, so I was flat hunting. Not that there is anything wrong with the Travelodge, the staff are wonderful, but even at cheap rates it becomes expensive compared to having your own place, doubly so when you throw the fact that you have to eat at restaurants and such like. I've developed a craving for Weetabix, or practically any cereal, just because I can't get it here.
With Carolines help, I managed to find a good area, and then found a flat there. I got a phone call Tuesday night, offering me a viewing that evening. Despite a head cold making me feel like death warmed up, I accepted and headed over. It was perfect. I actually ended up as part of two viewings, a couple were looking at a two bed apartment in the same complex, so I saw that as well. They were eager to take the place within 20 seconds and to be honest, I had already decided that if my 1-bed was the same, I would take it as well.
I had to move quickly. My apartment is the last in the place, I think, so I didn't want to miss out. The second reason is that this weekend sees the GAA Football Final at Croke Park. I'd been existing on cheap deals at Travelodge (circa €49 a night) but with 75,000 fans flooding into Dublin, the Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights were heading over double that. If I could get in the new place on the Saturday, I'd be saving the best part of €200;
So, I have to find the one months rent and one additional month as deposit. I don't have an Irish bank account yet, as the wonderful chicken and egg situation arises - no address, no bank account. No bank account, difficult to get a flat. But my UK based account has the money.
Before I left for Ireland, I got a couple of things sorted. One was my business account, which is with Abbey, so that I could use it in Ireland. The other was a TravelEx Cash Passport card. This is one of those foreign money cards you use just like a VISA card, load money onto it in your currency, spend it locally. Free to get, free to load money on and free to use in an ATM, so no pesky handling fees. Very handy, much recommended, even though there are a couple of Gotchas on using it.
Numbers. Pay attention, as this will become important.
I've got to pay one month rent+deposit.
The maximum you can put on a TravelEx card over the phone in a day is £750. The maximum you can draw out of the TravelEx card in a day at an ATM is €700.
The maximum I can draw out of a cash machine in a day on my Abbey card is £500.
Right.
First, I went into the agent with the necessary paperwork (passport, driving licence) and asked for their account details to do the bank transfer. No problems, they give me a bit of paper with what is known as the Swift Code and IBAN number to phone the Abbey with. Abbey offer a International Telegraphic Transfer, which takes one or two working days to move money between countries. I then phoned Abbey in the UK from my mobile, went through security and asked to make the transfer.
I was most surprised to hear that it couldn't be done. Not because they can't, not because it can't be done over the phone, but because I have to fill in a form first and send it back to them. That form will be sent to my home address in the UK, an address I am not going to be at for a few weeks. They offer to send the form to Ireland. I answer "So where, exactly do you think you can send it to?"
Basically, I have phoned up, given passwords and answered security questions. I can name my balance and recent transactions. Earlier in the week, I was called by the Fraud Dept to check that transactions I had done in Ireland were mine. I have informed them that I am in Ireland for the foreseeable future and they have this on record.
Yet I cannot transfer money to an Irish account. For security reasons..
Fucking hell.
I see my flat disappearing before my eyes and being replaced by a huge Travelodge bill.
Plan B. The TravelEx card. I can transfer money from my account onto there - it is UK based. How long will it take?
3-4 working days.
Ah. Well, surely there is a fast option or something?
No.
Now, if you have been following me, remember the International Telegraphic Transfer? That could potentially get my money to Ireland next day, but it seems that to transfer from an account held by the Abbey in the UK, to another UK based account will take from double to quadruple the amount of time it takes to transfer money to an entirely different country.
Time for Plan C.
I think about it for a bit and realise that if I transfer via my Abbey debit card to the TravelEx card, which takes 10 minutes or so, then withdraw the cash, then go to the ATM with the Abbey card, that should give me about €1200 a day, more than enough to pay the full deposit and rent, in cash tomorrow.
I then ring up TravelEx and navigate their myriad options. I ask to transfer £750, the maximum available. Transaction declined.
Eh? I have enough money in the account. The TravelEx person realises why; "Oh, you're with Abbey, aren't you? Hmm... most we tend to get out of them in one go is £300. Do you want us to do that?"
Yes. £300 later, it works.
I ask them to make another £300 transaction. It fails.
Hmmm...
OK, before I have to make another expensive phone call to the UK on my mobile, I figure I will do the second bit of the plan - take £500 out of a cash machine on my Abbey card. I will then phone Abbey up and ask them what is going on. I go to the cash machine, press €500 - transaction unavailable. Eh? Maybe the problem is the same as back home, where I can take £500 out, but the max in one go is £400, so I have to do two transactions. I try again, going for €300 to be sure.
Transaction unavailable.
With rage building, I now phone Abbey up. They can see I've tried to make three failed transactions. The very nice woman can't understand why the two ATM ones failed. She says she has cleared them off, and to wait 5-10 minutes to try again.
I do so. I go to the cash machine. €300.
Transaction unavailable.
I wait 10 minutes again. €300.
Transaction unavailable.
I now phone Abbey again. They can see the transactions that have failed and they can't understand it. Suddenly, the lady on the phone says "Hang on. TravelEx. Is that one of those foreign money card things?"
Yes, yes it is.
"Ah. I know what the problem is. When you put money on it, it comes out of your ATM allowance for the day."
Er...sorry? What was that.
"Foreign currency transactions like that count as ATM transactions."
But... I'm phoning a number, and using it like any other debit card transaction. They want the expiry date, security code and everything.
"I know, but we treat them like cash. So it becomes an ATM transaction."
Lo and behold, I go to the cash machine and ask for €200 and it gives it me with a cheery smile. It dawns on me that the reason TravelEx only tend to get £300 out of Abbey accounts in one go is that that is the standard ATM limit for a personal account. The reason I have got £500/day is that it is a business account.
So there you have it. I could have a million quid in my bank account and I can only get at £500 of it each day. TravelEx, ATMs, Bureau de Change. Any combination of them, the limit is £500. Every other fucking bank in the world would treat it as a debit card transaction, but no, not the fucking Abbey.
The upshot is that I have to go to a cash machine again tomorrow and withdraw £500. And then again on Saturday. Thankfully, the agent is going to accept the cash and expect the balance next week. All I have to do is be at the agents office at 9am prompt, sign the paperwork and hopefully I can pick up the key. The matter of shifting 80lbs of luggage across Dublin via public transport is another thing.
(And before you say "Surely a taxi will work, Mike?" then have a think about it, 'cos I'm withdrawing to the limit in cash, how can I pay for a taxi?)
If anything else goes wrong, I'm in for a seriously expensive weekend.
What security clearance are you referring to? That you aren't a drug dealer? It's nothing to do with security clearance... Only £500 from Abbey? I can withdraw £2k/day with Cater Allen, which is owned by Abbey....
You got a business account sorted with Abbey? Did you not have a business account prior to An Garda Siochana????
Add your comment